Step one: Grab a stick. Any sturdy stick will do. If you want something a bit fancier, steal some bamboo from a neighbor's yard. They won't miss it, trust me.
Step two: Acquire an oversize scarf. Pucci is preferable, but any quality silk scarf will work. If you can't afford a scarf, borrow one from a local boutique. People do it all the time.
Step three: Lay the scarf on the floor.
Step four: Put your belongs on the scarf. Only put things you need at all times in the bindle. Cell phone, mascara, condoms. The usual. Did I mention that this is a hobo bindle for total whores**? No? Slipped my mind.
Step five: Lay the stick ever so gently on top of your belongs. God forbid you tear the condom.
Step six: Take two opposing corner of the bindle and tie them into a knot encompassing the stick. I like the word encompassing, don't you?
Step seven: Repeat with the other corners.
Step eight: Pick up bindle and pray to God/Buddha/Steve the Bum that it doesn't fall apart.
Quiz time: Did it fall apart? Yes or No.
If yes, repeat steps 3-8.
If no, continue to step nine.
Step nine: Impress your friends. Granted, the only friends you have now are crackheads and winos. But, at least they are easy to impress.
*Not the coke kind. The hobo kind.
**Look, you're a hobo now. Your entertainment budget is nil. Sex is a very cheap form of entertainment. And hey, if you're really good at it, you can make money! (More on that later)
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