Roommates

Roommates are a great way to reduce your financial burden, and I've had my share of good roommates, and my share of not-so-good roommates. But none have been so stupidly retarded, for lack of a better word, than my current one. Whom, I may mention, is very close to becoming your common street bum himself, with the mutterings and total anti-social behavior.

What makes a roommate so terrible, you ask? Let's start with the small things.

1. Playing Beach Boys at 3AM for all the house to hear. On a weeknight.
   
2. Cooking dumplings for dinner FIVE nights in a row. Preparing for bumhood? Seriously, the smell was unbearable by night 3.
   
3. Not cleaning your dishes. Of course, the backwater town you're from probably didn't have running water.
   
4. Putting dishes in the dishwasher without rinsing them. I'm not sure which is worse, leaving them in the sink, or leaving dried-on food. Wanna know why our dishes feel gritty?
5. Watching TV with the volume set to 40. Normally, the TV is set to 20-25. If you're that deaf, get some of those headphones they advertise on TV. You know the ones I'm talking about.
   

And then we get into the stranger and more annoying behavior.

1. Coming out of your room just to annoy the dogs. This happens almost daily. It goes something like this: roommate exits bedroom. finds dogs. tortures dogs. goes back into room. closes door.
   
2. Filling the dishwasher with liquid soap. We had an awesome jasmine-scented foam party that night.
   
3. Leaving your clothes in the washer and then leaving town.
4. Not cleaning. Ever.
   
5. NOT FLUSHING THE TOILET. If you can't flush the toilet when you piss, then piss outside.
   
6. Leaving goatee trimmings on the sink.
   
7. Leaving pube trimmings on the toilet seat.

I don't throw the word 'hate' around a lot, but lets just say that if I found him dead on the toilet, I'd leave his body there a few hours before notifying the authorities.

Sure, it could be worse. I could be sharing a cardboard box with this guy.